John
Gottman says: “Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in
a rewarding and long-lasting romance. Although happily married couples may feel
driven to distraction at time by their partner’s personality flaws, they still
feel that the person they married is worthy of honor and respect.” I thought
that was a really profound quote from our book. It’s true that when we choose
to focus on what we love and admire about someone, those things become
magnified and the small irritants seem to lessen in importance and almost fade
away into the background.
My husband, Joe, and I sat down to
work through some of the exercises from the Seven Principles book with slight
trepidation. We have a deep and abiding love for each other now, but it has come
at a price. We have had some serious struggles over the years and I haven’t
always been sure we would survive. However, through the blessings of the
Atonement, lots of work, humility and forgiveness for both of us I think we are
stronger today than we have ever been. We still have some of the same
challenges that will probably be around forever, but we have learned how to
work with them instead of fighting them. As we worked through these exercises,
it was sweet to be reminded of the good things we have always seen in each
other and hear how he feels our experiences have changed our marriage over
time.
After the exercises, I took the rest
of the week to work on consciously overlooking any perceived flaws in Joe or
little quirks that can bother me and instead work on showing my love for him in
tangible ways. It was amazing to focus on just loving him instead of how I can
change him, or get him to “see” something, etc. When I show my love in more and
better ways, I FEEL it more. When Joe sees and feels my love, he is empowered
and inspired to reciprocate and work on bettering our marriage however he can.
When all of that comes together, it’s like magic!!
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