W02 to marry...or not?

I've been reading this week about the changes that have taken place in our cultural views on marriage over the last few decades and the impact of divorce on families and children. Let me tell you, friends....the news is not good. Divorce rates are up. Cohabitation is commonplace. Fatherlessness is one of the supreme familial crises of our time, in my opinion. 

My parents divorced when I was young. While I'm sure they both made their fair share of mistakes, my dad was a violent and abusive man for many years and it was painful. The divorce was hard on my brother and I...but the push and pull by my parents in the life after the divorce was even harder. Court appearances, impossible choices, fighting, manipulating, and abuse followed us around until we were old enough to dictate our own lives. Divorce, whether or not it's warranted, is never easy. So, why is it so prevalent? Based on all of the things I've mentioned here, why is obtaining a divorce so easy?

About half of all marriages today end in divorce. Permissive divorce attitudes are associated with lower quality and more unstable marriages.  Additionally, there are many couples that decide to not marry at all, but instead live together and have children (or not). Even those kids who have never experienced a divorce are exposed to instability through relationships beginning and ending; parental figures in and out of their lives. People who live together without getting married are still more likely to break up than married couples. So, in essence, all the things that people think they are avoiding by not getting married....don't get avoided at all if there are children involved. 

Adults are free to choose their life path. That's one of the responsibilities and privileges of being an adult. But just because we CAN choose something doesn't mean that we SHOULD. There are times that I have thought about throwing in the towel on my own marriage. It's not easy building a life with another person! Life is full of hard things that will truly challenge us. That's never going to change. There was a point where I realized that my marriage commitment wasn't only to my husband, but it was also to the Lord and to these children that He has blessed us with. The only person who has not ever let me down is my Heavenly Father. The way He keeps His promises to me makes me want to keep mine to Him and I am blessed with a husband that feels similarly. That means that we stick together and work on becoming the people we need to be for our marriage to work and our children to grow up in the intact family that they deserve.

There have been times when I've wondered how life would have been if my parents had stayed married, but that doesn't mean that I necessarily think they should have.  I've had a lot of my own trauma to work through and it's taken a long time. It's been worth it though to be able to let go of those perspectives and hurts that were not doing me any good in my adult life. The most important work that I will do is here within the walls of my own home, with my own husband and children. Life isn't going to get easier for families. Spencer W. Kimball has said that "...only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us." I'm committed to doing the small daily acts like scripture study, family prayer, playing and working together, and spiritual learning in our home that will give us the strength we need to stay together through whatever comes our way.