W12 Family Councils

I feel the articles we were given to read this week can really bless the lives of families everywhere. I especially enjoyed the chapter from Elder Ballards “Counseling with your Councils” and Elder Eyring’s talk on unity. I think they go hand in hand with each other. I believe family or couple councils bring greater unity to a family because they allow all members of the family to have a voice and feel like they are an important contributor to what goes on in the family.

I found a few principles from Elder Ballard that I think we can apply in our family council. First, making sure we are expressing our feelings of love and concern to each other. I think this one simple thing will be helpful in creating the best atmosphere to hold a family council. I think it goes right along with praying to have the Spirit in attendance and then behaving in a way that He would feel welcome. 

I also think that something Elder Eyring said applies to this as well. He says, “Where people have that Spirit with them, we may expect harmony. The Spirit puts the testimony of truth in our hearts, which unifies those who share that testimony. The Spirit of God never generates contention (see 3 Ne.11:29). It never generates the feelings of distinctions between people which lead to strife (see Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, 13th ed. [1963], 131). It leads to personal peace and a feeling of union with others. It unifies souls. A unified family, a unified Church, and a world at peace depend on unified souls.” (“That We May Be One”, Ensign, May 1998) Perhaps when we find that we have feelings of contention in our family council, it might be best to end that council, and try again later when we can all have the Spirit with us. 

Something else that really stood out to me from Elder Ballard, was the fact that in the Quorum of the Twelve council meetings, no decisions were made unless everyone was in agreement. Everyone is given a voice on the matter, but nothing is finalized until all are in complete agreement. In a family, I think there are times when parents need to make decisions without the children’s input. However, I feel that whenever it is appropriate, this is a good way to proceed, even in family council. Doing so will really help every member of the family feel important and valuable, and unity will grow.

These quotes from President Spencer W. Kimball are directed towards those tho are newly married, but I want to remember them for the future when my own children start their married lives.

“Frequently, people continue to cleave unto their mothers and their fathers, ad their chums. Sometimes, mothers will not relinquish the hold they have had upon their children, and husbands as well as wives return to their mothers and fathers to obtain advice and counsel and to confide, whereas cleaving should be to the wife in most things, and all intimacies should be kept in great secrecy and privacy from others… your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. You love them more than ever, you cherish their counsel, you appreciate their association, but you live your own lives, being governed by your decisions, by your own prayerful considerations after you have received the counsel from those who should give it.”WW

“Well-meaning relatives have broken up many a home. Numerous divorces are attributable to the interference of parents who thought they were only protecting their loved children… Live your own life”

W11 Being unified with our spouse....literally and figuratively

I was on social media today and came across a post where a young wife was asking for counsel from the masses on how to resolve a conflict she was having with her husband. She had recently been offered her "dream job" in California and she really wanted to take it. However, her husband had also been accepted to medical school on the east coast and anticipated starting classes at about the same time she would need to start her job. She worried that if she said no to the job she may resent her husband later, so she was considering living apart from him so he could do school and she could have the job. She wasn't sure if that was a good idea (is what she said anyway).

I'll admit that I was a little exasperated by her post. 

Henry B. Eyring gave an awesome talk about how to be united with our spouse similar to the way that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are united in their purpose. President Eyring said that each week as we take the sacrament and renew our covenants with the Lord, we promise to remember Him in all that we do and to keep His commandments so that we can have the Holy Ghost with us. He cautioned that we should not be selective in our obedience to laws of the gospel and also that we must be aware of our pride and avoid letting it disrupt our family life. He said that the Saviors atonement is what makes it possible for our natures to change in marriage and for us to truly be one with our spouse. 

The natural man is an enemy to God. Satan is very subtle and cunning in the ways that he tries to break families apart. 

As I think about how this relates to the young wife on social media, I consider how desperate she seemed for herself. Her dream, her plans, and her desires. There really wasn't any talk of how she might save her marriage or change her heart and turn it toward her husband. 

Marriage isn't easy. It's full of give and take, sacrifice, forgiveness and the need for charity towards each other. The sooner we learn that, the better off we will be. It broke my heart to think of all that this girl would be giving up if she decided to live separately from her husband in order to work at her dream job. So many opportunities for personal AND marital growth; TOGETHER with her husband instead of apart.